I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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