i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
