I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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