She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
