so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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