I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
