It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
