I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
