He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
