$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You can't just leave with hair like that
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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