How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
