we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
