Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
