Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
