im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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