Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
