I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
