He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
