my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
