i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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