I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
