I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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