About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
