Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
