I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
3pm strippers are depressing
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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