so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
