Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
