I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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