Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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