I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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