I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
