Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
