the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
