Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
