Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sarcasm needs its own font
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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