he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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