Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
