Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
