So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
