New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
