I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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