All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
