when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
