There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
