My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
