What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
