if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
