i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
