So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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