I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
