I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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