the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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