Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
